My baby boy turned 4 today. Four years ago today I became a mother, something I have never been more proud of. I have done many things in life-but the single, most life changing thing has been growing, nurturing, birthing and loving Holden and Josephine.
This birthday feels different than the previous ones. I have a unique tenderness when I think of this milestone. It could be that he looks and acts like a boy and not a baby. His kindness is expanding; he shares when he used to snatch. I often find him caring for his sister, by singing her lullabies and rubbing her back in the way I have comforted him.
In acknowledging this transition from baby to boy, we decided to do something different. We did the usual family party where he was surrounded by people who love and celebrate him. On his actual birthday we threw caution to the wind, #mom-style. We went out to a leisurely brunch, which consisted of hotdogs and donuts for breakfast (extremely nutritious, I know).
It seemed fitting to introduce him to the magic that is Zingerman’s, the place Mark and I have celebrated our happiest times. He sat sharing every thought that popped into his mind with us, radiating joy. This time was special: it was the first time since becoming a big brother two years ago that he got us to himself. I held him as much as I could: embracing this growth, but also wanting to get as many tummy rubs as he would allow. I know that while these days can feel long, they are very short.
From there it was just Holden and I celebrating. For him, it was his entrance to this world. For me? It was celebrating my birth-day as well. In his birth, there was a rebirth of myself and a rejuvenation in my soul.
This year I spent some time thinking about what it has meant to me to have given birth to him. It changed me in ways for which I am so grateful. Motherhood has made me patient, Motherhood has made me sensitive to the world in all of its tragedies and injustices; Motherhood has made me more confident of myself and less concerned with others’ opinions of me. As a result, Motherhood has freed up a lot of mental space to be creative and intentional with my thoughts and actions.
I want to carry this feeling with me and embrace the day-to-day with my kids. Before I know it, they will be off making their own lives